Glorious Mud

This week Lauren and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary.  I can honestly say that I love my wife and delight in her more than ever.  She is my best friend and the greatest gift God has given me on this earth.  Many have told me how lucky I am.  And I don't disagree, especially when you mean by lucky what the Psalmist meant by "blessed" - I have received what I have not deserved.  I never imagined as a teenager that my life would be so full and so blessed and I claim no credit for the lucky state in which I find myself.  What little wisdom I have discovered and exercised has been given to me by a gracious God who has protected me from my lack of wisdom more times than I can count or want to know. So, in honor of this Silver Anniversary, I thought I would share a little of the wisdom I have gleaned in 25 years of marriage with young dudes who are just starting their marriage journey.  Everyone likes lists, so I think I will give you 25 points to...

1.  Our marriage is older than we were when we got married. 2.  One of my first "love letters" to Lauren contained this line: "We go together like a buzzard and death." 3.  I realized this year - yes, only this year, after 22 years of marriage - that Lauren has the love language of "gifts." 4.  Love will cost you everything - but it gives you more back. 5.  I am horrible at celebrating things like birthdays and anniversaries. 6.  When we were dating, I wouldn't tell Lauren that I loved her till I knew I wanted to marry her. 7.  On the day I proposed to Lauren, she was planning to break up with me. 8.  I have countless failings, none of which were even hinted at in Lauren's blog post - 22 reasons why I love my husband . 9.  I am humbled and thankful to have a wife who chooses daily to see my strengths instead of focusing on my weaknesses. 10.  Lauren is my best friend and God's greatest gift to me.  I love and enjoy Lau...

Conflict in marriage is inevitable.  People are different - and when to you take two people as different as a man and a women (as much as they might love each other) and put them around each other for 24 hours a day and 7 days a week - they are going to fight. Most married couples are not well equipped to fight well because they simply don't understand how they should fight and what they should be fighting for.  The Bible gives us remarkable (and challenging) insight into how we are wired and why we end up in conflict - and when we understand that, we will be better prepared to fight well. The bottom line is that God gave us marriage to make us holy first and make us happy second.  Holiness can be an intimidating word - but it simply means that we are what God has made us to be.  When we are becoming more holy, we are becoming more of the person God has designed us to be. And as we become holier, we are in a better position to experience and share God's best in...

When I got married, I had only been a believer for about three years.  I was drunk with the gospel - I knew I didn't deserve God's grace and was excited that I had it anyway.  I was devouring the Bible and was trying to figure out what it all meant. One of the areas in scripture that challenged me was the Bible's teaching on roles in marriage.  Honestly, I didn't really want to be "the head" of the home - I had much more egalitarian leanings.  At the same time, I wanted to honor God in my home, so I set about trying to be the leader of my home.  Thankfully God's grace (and my wife's) was greater than my good intentions.  I didn't lead well in the early days - I led out of positional authority (I have the title so you have to do what I say) instead of from personal authority (I have won your trust through love and self-sacrifice, and therefore you are willing to follow me). Jesus leads us from a position of personal authority, and we need to do ...

I had a conversation with a friend last night about the use of "the five love languages."  If you are not familiar with the love language model, it is actually a very helpful model of how to understand the way those we love give and receive love - and how that differs from us.  It comes from a book by Dr. Gary Chapman called The Five Love Languages and I highly recommend it if you haven't read it. I can vouch that the model helped me love my wife better.  I am a words of affirmation and touch guy.  So I value Lauren's praise and her touch.  Lauren on the other hand is a works of service person.  She shows love by doing small acts of kindness or helpfulness - and she feels loved when I reciprocate. The tension here is obvious. In our early days so of marriage, I would walk up to Lauren and say oh-so-smoothly, "Hey, baby, you look good in that outfit" while laying my hands on her in an affirming way.  I sure liked it when Lauren did that to me - s...