O Lord, rebuke me not in your anger,
nor discipline me in your wrath.
Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing...
Turn, O Lord, deliver my life;
save me for the sake of your steadfast love...
Depart from me, all you workers of evil,
for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping.
The Lord has heard my plea;
The Lord accepts my prayer.
Psalm 6:1, 4, 8-9
How often, when I am languishing, do I approach God in the same way? Don't reject me. Don't crush me. Don't give me what my heart tells me I deserve.
Emotional exhaustion makes my heart decline toward depression, and depression often brings with it a blanket of condemnation. I feel rejected, worthless, and angry. And when I am there, I tend to make it worse by condemning myself further for feeling inadequate or lonely or restless.
David is there - Lord, don't rebuke me. Don't discipline me. Don't pour your wrath out on me - I am languishing. But there comes a point where he can hear the still, quiet voice of God in the turmoil of the emotional storm. It whispers, "My love is steadfast. It is based on my covenant to you, not your commitment to me."
And David's head bobs up, like lost dog who thinks he hears his little girl's voice. There's a sudden glimmer of hope in the darkness. His attention is diverted from his failure and inadequacy to the promise of God's love, and it's enough to lead him to pray a mustard-seed faith prayer: "You love me. You said it was forever love. Save me because you love me."
Then, when his eyes have turned from the storm of his emotions to the quiet voice of eternally committed Love, he finds comfort. He says, "Depart from me." Get out darkness - you have no place here. This heart is not your home. The Lord has heard me and he accepts me. There isn't room in here for both him and you. Get out.
How many times have I walked this path? Seems like it is almost daily sometimes. I am so thankful that the path is well-worn. That David, inspired by the Spirit, not only validates this cycle of discovering and rediscovering God's love - he points to the path by which we find it again.
Prayer:
Lord, my heart is dark and my body tired. I am made of dust, and today I feel the wind threatening to blow right through me. Save me for the sake of your steadfast love. Deliver me from my dark impulses, my fear, and my critic's voice. Thank you that you love me because of Jesus, the one who died and rose again so I could rise too.
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